|
| June 29,
2006... Inty Fresh! (the editor buys an
Intellivision) |
I better get in one more post before the month ends,
huh?
First things first... you may notice something missing from
the main page. I've removed the daily reviews, because
what had originally been "daily" quickly turned into "weekly,"
then "monthly," then "bleh, I don't feel like it." I've
given thought to replacing it with a Wiki; a more dynamic page
that could be updated by not only myself, but the readers of
the site. However, judging from how the forum turned out
(population: three crickets), I doubt that either my reader
base or myself have what it takes to keep it updated on a
regular basis.
All right, what else? I picked up an Intellivision
game system with sixteen boxed games last weekend. It
took a little fixin' to get it in full working condition, but
after popping open one of the controllers and cleaning up
the plastic membrane under the keyboard, it's working as
well as it did the moment it was taken out of the box.
Granted, since this is an Intellivision, that may not be
saying much. Nevertheless, I'll finally have the chance
to play my all-time favorite conversion of Burgertime, a game
so incredible that it actually blows away its NES
counterpart. And after a little more garage sailing,
I'll be able to plug in the voice synthesizer and
take to the skies, bombing German factories while a
co-pilot plucked from Mayberry RFD applauds me for my
efforts.
Ah, nostalgia. You truly are the wonder drug that
does wonders!
| June 26,
2006... With Apologies to Phil Collins (the
editor buys a DS Lite) |
The Lite, the Lite, the Liiiite! Oh, ohhh!
We're gonna make it right, more light and bright
tonight! Oh, ohhh!
Got some money in my pocket... spent it on DS, even though
I 'ready got it! It'll be number twoooooo!
So
please, don't make no more! I already feel, like a
Nintendo whore! What am I gonna doooooo?
As you can tell from the mangled Genesis lyrics above, I'm
the owner of a Nintendo DS Lite. I actually bought the
system a couple of days after the launch, but chose not to
mention it until now. Really, what's there to
discuss? It's a glossy redesign of Japan's favorite
handheld game system, looking almost enough like an iPod to
forgive those dumb rumors about Nintendo's impending
acquisition by Apple. It doesn't play any games that the
original DS couldn't... it just does the job better, with a
brighter screen (we're talking supernova here) and a
directional pad that's no longer flush with the system.
It's important to note that the system isn't entirely
improved over the original. The contoured design
and less slick plastic of the DS Phat made it easier to
hold, and Game Boy Advance cartridges didn't jut out of the
bottom of the system like they do in the new DS. Also,
the DS Lite's buttons feel cheap. They're responsive
enough while playing games, but they shift around like they
could fall out if you turned the system upsidedown and shook
it for a couple of seconds.
Despite its minor shortcomings, I've decided to stick with
the DS Lite, and gave the old system and a copy of Brain Age
to my parents. It was a real thrill to watch the two of
them get hooked on this game. It's not all that
surprising that my mother would enjoy
it... she's never objected to playing one of
Konami's more whimsical arcade oldies, like Frogger or Circus
Charlie. However, I thought my seventy year old
stepfather would be more resistant to Brain Age's
charm. I've never seen him so much as pick up a joystick
in the twenty plus years I've known him, but he really seems
to dig the game's mental exercises. I guess
Nintendo had the right idea about making their products
more appealing to older customers... if my own experience with
my parents is any indication, their plan is working!
All right, enough about that. You've probably come to
the Blitz looking for new site content, and today, we actually
have some. Systematix is the next feature on the site to
be given an overhaul. Not only has the layout been made
more colorful and dynamic, but the article has been split into
three seperate pieces. The oldest system reviews (some
dating back to 1996, when the site first debuted!) have
been put in a special legacy
section. The 2003
update, which introduced the system
cross-referencing Jessboard, has been moved to its own
page, while the latest installment of
Systematix will be the one readers will be directed to
when they click the Systems button on the top of the page.
I've added a chapter to Systematix, by the way. This
time, the Blitz is stuck in the middle with those game systems
that were neither good nor bad enough to really leave an
impact on the industry. Everything from the Xbox 360 to
the Atari Jaguar are covered in this update, ensuring that
there's something for everybody who plays video games.
| June 18, 2006... A
Tale of Scrolls and Souls (game
reviews) |
Advance Theory's the next page on the Blitz to get
a makeover. Just like Saikyo Crusher, you'll find
links to related pages and outside sites nestled
in the sidebar. It's one-stop shopping convenience
for all your web surfing needs!
Also, my latest article for 1UP.com went live late last
week. I swear, I always seem to be the last to
know... Anyway, if you want to check it out, just click this link! Both
classic video game fans and newcomers to the scene should get
a kick out of this one, as it covers the best play mechanics
from the past thirty years of gaming.
So, about those brief game reviews I promised
earlier...
THE ELDER SCROLLS IV: OBLIVION:
There are, at last count, about fifty games available for the
Xbox 360. However, there's only one you've got to have,
and this is it. Oblivion is the first game that really
makes me proud to own Microsoft's latest system, and one of
the only role-playing adventures that hands full control over
to the player. Once you've finished the tutorial, your
next quest is entirely up to you. Heck, you don't even
need to start a quest if you don't feel like it! You can
just take a lengthy trip around the kingdom, admiring the
lush scenery while hacking up any wolves and bandits foolish
enough to cross your path. It's the first sandbox game
with a purpose... even when you're just fooling around, you're
strengthening your character's abilities and making him (or
her, your choice!) better prepared for later challenges.
Oblivion could use work in a couple of areas... the frame rate
chokes and sputters in more intense moments, the fighting
could offer more variety, and half the male cast sounds like
Optimus Prime. That's pretty much it for the complaints,
though. With over a hundred hours of gameplay packed
onto the disc, even the dizzyingly high sixty dollar price tag
is easy to justify.
GRADIUS COLLECTION: Gamers who've
been in the hobby for a while have come to expect a
trade-off from collections like this one. Either you get
a whole bunch of badly antiquated 8-bit games (Namco Museum,
Taito Legends), or a small handful of titles that
aren't nearly as far behind the curve (Midway Arcade
Treasures 3, Sonic Gems). With only five games, Gradius
Collection falls into the latter category. However, some
of these titles were released so recently that it almost
seems like an insult to call them
"classics." Gradius IV in particular was one
of the Playstation 2's launch titles at the turn of the
century, and Gradius Gaiden isn't too far behind, hitting
Japanese store shelves in 1998. Gradius Gaiden is the
very best of the bunch... with its dazzling 32-bit special
effects and tight gameplay that upholds the Gradius
standard of excellence, it's one of the best side-scrolling
shoot 'em ups ever made. Whatever you choose, you're
sure to get a lot more alien-blasting excitement than you
would in a prehistoric Namco Museum shooter like Baraduke
or Sky Kid. And oh, did I mention the save states?
You can save your progress any time you like in any of these
five viciously difficult games... a feature which is sure to
save at least one player the two hundred dollars they would
have otherwise lost by launching their PSP at the nearest
wall.
SOUL CALIBUR III: Soul's in
control! Soul's on a roll! Soul's gonna win the
equivalent of the Super Bowl! Er, uh, sorry. Soul
Calibur has returned, bringing its lethal elegance back to the
Playstation 2 for another round of weapon-based fighting
action. The first thing you'll ask yourself when you pop
in the disc is this... "Hey, where the heck is the GameCube
version?" Once you've accepted the loss of Link (perhaps
cushioning the blow by reminding yourself that all of Todd
MacFarlane's characters hit the nearest exit along with him),
the next thing that'll spill out of your mouth is an
expletive, followed by "Why is everything so fast now?"
Finally, you'll be left at a loss for words when you discover
that the arcade mode lets you choose your own path through the
game (good), but throws in Dragon's Lair-style cinemas that
punish you for not pressing the right button at the right time
(bad). Little else in Soul Calibur III will be a
surprise... the game looks even better than past incarnations
on the GameCube and Dreamcast, and there's even more fun stuff
to unlock (for both the established cast of characters as well
as heroes you've created yourself).
| June 15, 2006... Pop
Goes the Weasel (Jak X Combat Racing
review) |
Not only has the Dan Hibiki page been updated, it's been
completely revamped! It now more closely resembles the
index page, with the same white and blue color
scheme. I've also added quick links in the side bar, so
readers can visit related pages on this site. This
design will likely find its way to other unfurnished sections
of the Blitz, so if you haven't already gotten used to the
look, you'd better start now!
And now, since I can't think of anything else to talk
about, here are the games I've been playing lately!
NEW SUPER MARIO BROS.: There's not
much new here, but boy, is it super! New Super Mario
Bros. takes most of its inspiration from the very first game
in the series, with linear level designs and a small handful
of largely unexciting power-ups. However, there are bits
and pieces taken from other Super Mario Bros. games, and
there's even a little Metroid action in spots. If you
hope to discover new areas, you'll need to hold onto special
power-ups that let you slip through cracks and break through
otherwise impenetrable barricades. The graphics
aren't as warm and friendly as Super Princess Peach's
candy-coated visuals, but with tons of stages (many
hidden) and a higher challenge level, you get a lot more game
for your money.
JAK X: COMBAT RACING: Forget that
car combat game on the Xbox 360! Jak X offers twice the
excitement for nearly half the price, and all on the humble
Playstation 2 hardware. What makes this more fun than
Full Auto, despite an obnoxious cast of characters?
Well, there are more options available to the player... unlike
Full Auto, each mode is distinct, ranging from circuit
races in the vein of Super Mario Kart to all-out war
on open battlefields. Even the normally annoying
time trial races are fun, thanks to freezers strewn throughout
the track that briefly stop time, taking the pressure off the
player for a couple of seconds. The music's intense, and
the graphics are dazzling, which lots of screen-filling
explosions and a style that manages to be cartoony,
futuristic, and threatening all at once.
STREET FIGHTER ALPHA ANTHOLOGY:
You've gotta love the idea... five outstanding Street
Fighter games, including Capcom's daring experiment in satire
Pocket Fighter, rolled together in one collection. It's
a recipe that's made even more tempting by the complete lack
of post-match load times and the chance to mix and match
characters from all the Alpha games. However, it doesn't
come together as well as you'd expect. The graphics have
been resized, resulting in an odd shimmering effect whenever
the background scrolls, and the control lacks that exact
precision that players enjoyed in the Saturn games.
Yes, even with Sega's replica Saturn pad, you'll find that
attacks just don't flow the way you remember. And oh,
don't get too excited about the Hyper Street Fighter Alpha
mode. Although there's an option to arm your characters
with some enhanced moves from the Marvel vs. Capcom
series, you won't get them all. It's worth the thirty
dollars, but Street Fighter Alpha Anthology won't make your
Sega Saturn obsolete.
Stay tuned for brief summaries of even more
games, including Soul Calibur III and that role-playing
masterpiece, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion!
| June 12,
2006... The Future is
Now |
The Gizmondo article! She is finished, and she is magnifique, no?
So what else have I been up to these past few days?
Catching up on my nostalgia, mostly. I ordered a couple
of books from Alibris.com and received the first one, Ken
Uston's Guide To Home Computers, on Saturday. I loved
Ken Uston's video game books when I was growing up, and it was
a lot of fun reading Ken's predictions for the future of
technology, which would eventually become my present.
Some of the predictions that the late Mr. Uston made in the
book are pretty safe calls, like this one:
...the home computer field is so uniquely dynamic that
I'm willing to bet (and give steep odds) that three things
will happen:
1. The hardware and software will get better--
BEYOND BELIEF.
2. The hardware and software will get
cheaper-- BEYOND BELIEF.
3. We'll be able to do
things electronically that we primitive beings cannot even
begin to fathom.
As I sit back in my chair, updating a fully
illustrated web site, listening to music streamed from an
internet radio station, and peering over at a game system
capable of Jurassic Park-quality computer rendering, I'd have
to say that Ken's forecast is right on target. Not only
are computers capable of feats that few could have imagined in
1982, but they're far cheaper. A budget model Dell can
be had for the same price as a Commodore 64 nearly twenty five
years ago, and even with a Celeron processor, it's well over a
thousand times more powerful.
One part of Ken's prediction was a bit off,
though. If anything, software prices (especially game
prices) have only risen since the embryonic days of home
computing. The games that were set in stone at forty
dollars by Atari president Nolan Bushnell have
since jumped to sixty with the debut of the Xbox
360, plus a monthly fee for online
services.
Ten years ago, cartridge games for the Super NES,
Genesis, and Nintendo 64 actually rose above that amount,
tipping the scales at a hundred dollars each for Phantasy Star
IV and Virtua Racing! I won't even bring Neo-Geo games
into the equation. It's only thanks to the compact disc
and its descendants that those costs have been kept down to a
reasonable amount.
There was one other, purely unintentional prophecy bured in
the middle of the book. Ken made an analogy while
explaining software piracy to his readers; a purely
theoretical idea that almost borders on clairvoyance. It
went a little something like this:
Just imagine if people could make copies of phonograph
records [LPs] on some kind of copying device for a
dollar. That's the kind of problem present
here.
What sort of dark magic could extract the music from
albums, then trap it inside a mystical artifact that you could
fit in the palm of your hand? And where could you
possibly find a service that lets you put songs on this
unearthly creation for a dollar each? Where I ask you,
where?
All kidding aside, I wish Ken Uston would have
survived long enough to have seen his predictions come
true. The man was truly ahead of the curve, and had he
been around through the 1990's, he could have been a major
contributor to the technological revolution, throwing his
weight behind industry giants like Apple and Microsoft.
Sadly, the professional blackjack player's last gamble was a
fatal one... Ken died of a drug-induced heart attack in 1987,
shortly after the video game industry got its second wind and
the concept of the graphic user interface had begun to take
root on computers.
Ken ends the book by saying, "It's going to be exciting
just to sit back and watch what happens!!" It really has
been, Mr. Uston. It really has been.
| June 8,
2006... Everything I Know I Learned on Xbox
Live |
Several things I've learned during the brief time I've
owned my Xbox 360...
- Online gaming is actually pretty fun... you just have to
find a game that appeals to you, and opponents who don't act
like total jerks.
- No need to run out and buy a special headset... any old
set of cel phone ear buds will plug into the port on the
bottom of the Xbox 360 controller. Thanks to
Chris Larson for pointing this out to me!
- Full Auto isn't as bad as I thought it was last week,
but still not as GOOD as I thought it was at the beginning
of the year. It offers a solid bang for your buck, but
isn't the classic it could have been.
- The walls in Project Gotham Racing 3 are
magnetized. What else could possibly explain my
crashing into them despite putting on the brakes five miles
in advance?
- Dead or Alive bosses will only get more and
more cheap and aggravating in the future. In
DOA5, your final opponent will be fifty feet tall and
swallow you whole the moment the match starts.
- Once you pop, you can't stop. Just having an Xbox
360 isn't enough... you're going to want a million
accessories for it, ranging from the VGA cable to
the high-definition Xbox 360 popcorn popper.
- Oblivion seems like a pretty intriguing adventure game,
even if you can't actually see the exquisitely
detailed graphics when you're trapped in those dark,
dank dungeons.
- Crystal Quest still sucks. Seriously, why did I
spend four hundred Microsoft points on this? It's like
Robotron as designed by Ben Stein!
| June 5,
2006... Net
Defense |
And now, an important public service
announcement from The Gameroom Blitz (if you're looking for
video game news, you'll find it at the top and bottom of the
page):
http://www.boiseweekly.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A162372
Gird your loins folks, because the fight over
net neutrality (the right to visit any web site at the top
speed of your internet connection) is going to get ugly this
week. The telcoms and cable companies are pushing
through a bill that's going to hobble your internet
connection, slowing down or even blocking any site that
doesn't give the ISPs a boatload of money.
If you care about what YOU can do with YOUR
internet, fight with every ounce of energy against the COPE
bill! Call your congressman and demand that net
neutrality be preserved, no matter what! Your freedom
and the principles upon which the Internet was founded are at
stake!
You'll find more information on net neutrality
and how to protect it here:
http://www.savetheinternet.com/
| May 29,
2006... This Update Is Scheduled for One
Fall |
Although I stopped watching the actual
sport after WCW closed its doors, I've been thinking a
lot about wrestling games recently. Over the weekend,
Stage Select's Chris Larson and myself scoured the Lansing
area for used video games, and I went home with WWE Day
of Reckoning as well as a Playstation import that
really took me by surprise.
WWE Day of Reckoning was impressive, if
only for finally giving me a reason to wipe the cobwebs off my
GameCube. I haven't sat down and played the game, but I
did set up a tag team exhibition match with four computer
opponents, then watched 'em duke it out from the corner of my
eye while working at my computer. I've got to say, the
graphics were pretty, well, pretty... all the fighters looked
just like their real-life counterparts, and gleamed under the
bright lights of the arena as they traded blows.
Sadly, that's only half the
picture. While the characters looked astonishingly
lifelike while standing still, their frozen faces and canned
animations left them looking like sweat-drenched, spandex-clad
robots. Yuke's should have spent less time touching up
the ornate tattoo on The Rock's chest, and invested a
little more effort in putting some spring into his
step. It's not just Dwayne Johnson who suffers...
all the wrestlers look like they're just going through
the motions, as if Vince McMahon slashed their
salaries.
Stiff, unenthusiastic animation seems to
be a common trend in many of today's video games. I've
noticed it in Electronic Arts' Fight Night Round 3 as well...
and this was the Xbox 360 version! Next generation
gaming will never look the part until game companies get their
priorities straight and improve the motion capture technology
they use, rather than heaping more details on the same wooden
puppets.
Oh yeah, that other game I mentioned
earlier? That was Fire Pro Wrestling: Iron Slam
'96. Nothing gets my adrenaline pumping like a great
Fire Pro Wrestling game... and this is nothing like one!
Unlike other titles in the long-running series, Iron Slam '96
is in 3D. The polygonal graphics aren't bad by early
Playstation standards, but the gameplay is frustratingly
awkward by even the most generous standards.
Landing punches and kicks takes even
more guesswork than it did in the previous Fire Pro games, and
it's exceedingly difficult to get the upper hand in
clenches. When you lock arms with your opponent, it's a
pretty safe bet that you'll be the one hitting the mat.
When your beefy Hulk Hogan clone is constantly losing to
someone who looks like the banker from The Lucy Show,
you know there's something
wrong!
| May 27, 2006... A Taste
of High-Definition |
Is an Xbox 360 truly incomplete without
a high-definition display? Today, I determined to find
out. I set up a ghetto HD rig using a 17 inch CRT
monitor, a speaker system I picked up from Goodwill, and an
official VGA cable. At just under forty dollars,
that cable was the most expensive ingredient in the
recipe, but also the most essential.
After bringing it all together, I
switched on the Xbox 360... and sure enough, the picture was
crisper and cleaner than it was on my television set. I
just wasn't convinced that it was forty dollars
better. What impressed me a lot more was the speaker
system that I put into retirement a few months ago. The
constant explosions in Full Auto shook the walls and made the
action more urgent and immersive... even when the frame rate
hit single digits.
I dunno... maybe the reason my first
high def gaming experience didn't blow my mind is because I
bought an ancient computer monitor, instead of doing things
right and picking up a thousand dollar LCD
television. I'll admit that even with the dime
store display, the graphics did noticably improve... details
in Geometry Wars that had disguised themselves on my
television suddenly became a lot more obvious on the
monitor. Needless to say, the benefits of the VGA
display were even more pronounced in Full Auto... the cars
looked as if they rolled straight off the assembly line!
Despite all that, I can't help but
ask myself if it was worth the hassle and expense of going
high-def with my Xbox 360. I also wonder what the heck I
was thinking when I put those speakers in my closet! If
my last experience with them was any indication, they won't be
going BACK there for a very long time!
| May 24, 2006... The
Good, the Bad, and the
360 |
Next generation gaming has arrived at
The Gameroom Blitz! After receiving my latest paycheck,
I purchased a used Xbox 360, along with two games and a
Microsoft points card. I even wound up subscribing to
Xbox Live Gold for three months. Why? Even I'm not
sure, since I'm not what you'd call an online gamer.
Just call it an impulse purchase.
Anyway, here's what I like about the
Xbox 360 so far... along with some gripes about the system's
lesser qualities.
GAMING
EXCELLENCE
- The interface is at least fourteen
times better than it was on the original Xbox. The
murky green and black color scheme has been replaced with
bright and colorful menus that you can actually READ!
If you don't like what Microsoft has given you, you can
always download a new skin for your dashboard, based on any
one of a number of Xbox 360 titles.
- The wireless controller not only lets
you play games without being chained to the system, but it
lets you turn it on from a distance... a big
improvement over the Playstation 2, which forced you to
flip a switch and press a tiny button on the front of the
unit. It's sleeker and more comfortable to hold than
even the slimline controller on the original Xbox, and the
wireless feature is flawless. Plus, it's got a cool
silver orb lodged in the center that lights up as you play!
- It's pretty easy to purchase and
download content. You just connect your Xbox 360 into
a nearby cable modem, then log into the Xbox Live
Marketplace and enter the code on the back of your Microsoft
Points card. From there, you just pick the games and
other content you wish to download from an onscreen
menu. Some games will cost you MP, but demos are
completely free of charge. That brings me to my next
point...
- You can download game demos free
of charge! No longer will you be
forced to subscribe to a crappy magazine to get your
hands on demos of new and upcoming games. Just log on
to Xbox Live Marketplace and grab whatever you like, a'la
carte. The demos are typically pretty short, but Lost
Planet gives you a lot of bang for your (lack of) buck.
- The 'box has multimedia support
that's superior to anything else on the market. Want
to listen to one of your dusty old CDs? Just pop it
in, then have a seat and watch the mesmerizing psychadelic
patterns (supplied by- who else?- Jeff Minter) until your
eyes glaze over. Would you rather watch a film?
Go ahead and throw that in the drive. You won't need
an expensive remote control... the wireless joypad will work
just as well!
- This is what we all came for,
folks! The Xbox 360 offers the best graphics
that money can buy. When you tear through- and tear
up!- a city in Full Auto... when you sink a fist into the
fleshy face of your opponent in Fight Night Round 3... when
you look overhead and find a flock of dragons blotting out
the smoke-filled skies of Kameo... you know you've stepped
up to the big leagues.
GAMING
EXPLETIVES
- Load times. They're still here,
and they're especially bad in Full Auto. Be prepared
to set your thumbs to maximum twiddling while each stage
loads! And speaking of waiting...
- ...you'll be doing a lot of it while
downloading content from the Xbox Live Marketplace.
Until a firmware update is offered for the Xbox 360, waiting
is ALL you'll be doing until the download is finished.
Hey Microsoft, a call just came in from 1985.
It's the Amiga 500, and it wants to know if you'd
like to borrow a cup of MULTITASKING!
- It's great that the Xbox 360 features
USB ports, rather than its own proprietary controller
jacks. However, if you're going to include a Universal
Serial Bus in your system, shouldn't it be... you know,
universal? There are a few USB devices that the Xbox
360 can recognize, but not nearly enough. I wanna play
Project Gotham Racing 3 with my Logitech steering wheel,
consarnit!
- Remember all that gushing I did over
Full Auto in my End of Year special? Try to forget
that ever happened... I wish I could. If ever there
was a game that proves the adage "too much of a good thing,"
this would be the one. Full Auto is so packed with
chaos, destruction, and fiery explosions that there's barely
any room for a GAME. Bleech, the Playstation 3 can
have the sequel.
- Maybe it was something special on the
Macintosh, but Crystal Quest on the Xbox 360 is an aimless,
pointless mess. It's an omni-directional shooter
without the teeth of Geometry Wars... you just wander
around, picking up gems while dodging the various
indifferent enemies in your path. If you feel like
it. You want to know how boring this game is? A
land mine won't kill you until you rub against it for three
straight seconds.
- The system's backward
compatibility... well, it sucks. No point in trying to
mince words here. If you've got plans to replace your
old 'box with this one, forget it. You're going to be
disappointed. Only a small portion of the Xbox library
will run on the 360, leaving out key titles like
Psychonauts, Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath, and Panzer Dragoon
Saga.
- Tomunobu Itadaki is a conceited
ass. Look up Dead or Alive 4 in the Xbox Live
Marketplace and you'll find it listed in the genre
"Incredible Fighting Game." I'm hoping that Capcom
will respond by putting their first Xbox 360 beat 'em up in
the category "More Incredible Than Anything Tecmo Can Come
Up With Fighting Game."
| May 22,
2006... Gaze Inside My Crystal
Ball |
We've seen the future at this
year's Electronic Entertainment Expo... but the crystal
ball, as brightly as it shines, only has the power to display
what this year has to offer. What will the next five
hold for gamers the world over? Nobody knows for sure,
but The Gameroom Blitz predicts the following fates for all
three major console manufacturers:
SONY
It's the end of an era as the
Playstation brand name begins to lose its hold on
consumers. The first cracks in the armor began to show
with the release of the PSP in 2005, but that armor begins to
fall off piece by piece when the Playstation 3 is introduced
at the tail end of the following year, just in time for
Christmas. The PS3 is delivered with the price tag that
Sony had promised at E3, between five hundred and six hundred
dollars. That sticker shock alone is enough to drive
most consumers away from the unit and straight to its
competitors. Parents who want to entertain their kids
but have no need for a game console themselves will head
straight for the Wii. Older gamers who demand a more
sophisticated experience will opt for an Xbox 360.
The Playstation 3 trickles out of
stores, and it's given high praise by some media outlets for
its high performance hardware and excellent Blu-Ray film
playback. The system's developers took special care to
make the Blu-Ray support in the PS3 as good as it can possibly
be. As a result, the Playstation 3 is on par with
dedicated Blu-Ray players selling for twice the
price. However, consumers aren't yet ready to abandon
their DVD collections for a new format, and game developers,
already strained by high software development costs,
are reluctant to take advantage of the additional storage
that the Blu-Ray format offers.
Games that once put Playstation systems
in millions of homes are starting to lose their
hypnotic effect on fans. Tekken, Ridge Racer, and Gran
Tourismo are old news, and the high price of the Playstation
3, coupled with the lack of innovation in all of these
titles, have convinced players to look elsewhere for their
entertainment. Ridge Racer 7 in particular is a crushing
disappointment, lacking both new ideas and the extraordinary
visuals that PS3 owners expect from the system that
emptied their wallets. After dire sales, Namco Bandai
reconsiders making its flagship games exclusively for Sony's
systems... but doesn't stop to think that those games are too
old and busted to sell on ANY console.
After a few years, some impressive
exclusives (particularly Metal Gear Solid 4, which actually
lives up to the hype), and a grudging price drop, the
Playstation 3 begins to pick up momentum. However, the
real star of the Sony line-up becomes the Playstation
Portable. After a reduction in price to
$149, the PSP becomes the console of choice for gamers
who wish to stay loyal to the Playstation brand name,
but can't afford Sony's latest system.
Gamers witness a mass migration of third
party developers from the PS3 to the PSP, and the once
unappreciated handheld becomes a serious threat to the
Nintendo DS's market dominance. However, this is only
the case in the United States. The Nintendo DS remains
uncontested in Japan, with the PSP clinging to life on the
backs of a few stubborn supporters. A redesign of the
system (including a reduction in size, improvements in battery
life, and a screen with a higher refresh rate) does boost
sales, but not by much.
2010 arrives, and brings with it word of
a new generation of systems. Sony is left humbled and
hurting after the high manufacturing costs and lackluster
sales of the Playstation 3. Nevertheless, the system
becomes a cult hit among early adopters and Playstation
loyalists. Like the owners of the Sega Master System in
the 1980's and fans of the Sega Saturn in the 1990's,
Playstation 3 supporters stand by their console of choice,
proclaiming it to be the best on the market.
A handful of games on the system do
demonstrate its superiority over other consoles, but the fact
remains that Sony only captured 20% of the US gaming
market with the Playstation 3. The system sold better in
Japan, but only marginally, taking 25% of the market.
Sony obliges its small but devoted user base with the
marginally improved Playstation 4, but focuses much of its
attention on the PSP II, its next generation
handheld.
MICROSOFT
Early console launches are always a
risk, but it's a risk that pays off in a big way for
Microsoft. Near the end of 2006, the majority of
hardcore gamers pass up the underpowered Wii and
overpriced Playstation 3, and head straight to the Xbox
360. It's got the best of both worlds, with a reasonable
price (although unchanged from its launch) and enough muscle
for a truly next-generation experience. Strong online
support helps too... even after the hasty introduction of
Sony's HUB, Xbox Live remains the crown champion of
online gaming services. You've got to pay to get in, but
gamers eager to compete against their friends all agree that
it's worth the price of admission.
The Xbox 360 offers a wide variety of
games that, while lacking in originality, still appeal to an
American audience. Gears of War, Chromehounds, and Too
Human are all best-sellers in the United States.
However, on the other side of the ocean, the Xbox 360 quickly
becomes irrelevant, even with the release of Japan-centric
titles like Ninety-Nine Nights and Blue Dragon. The
Japanese are quick to accept any alternative to
Microsoft's next-generation system, and those two titles fade
into obscurity. Ninety-Nine Nights is soon ported to the
Playstation 3, while Blue Dragon (badly botched by Artoon,
even under the supervision of Final Fantasy creator Hironobu
Sakaguchi) is left stranded on the Xbox 360.
Meanwhile, back in America... it's
status quo all the way for the Xbox 360. The system
offers a wide selection of well-designed games, which have not
a creative bone in their collective body. Microsoft
shuns innovation not only in its selection of games, but
in its peripherals as well, offering only its Xbox Live
camera as a weak answer to the Wii's remote control.
Rather than bringing the player into the action like Nintendo,
the Xbox 360 brings the action into the player's world with
augmented reality.
Viva Pinata is a moderate success in the
United States, reeling in kids both young and old with
its bright colors and refreshingly sedate gameplay.
The Viva Pinata cartoon, produced by 4Kids Entertainment,
isn't quite as entertaining as the game it was created to
promote, but it does manage to stay on television for two or
three years. Rare starts to regain its footing as a
major first-party game developer, and creates several
more games for the Xbox 360. Most are pretty
good. Nearly all are family-friendly.
The HD-DVD drive, released as a
peripheral for the Xbox 360 in late 2006, becomes a permanent
part of the Xbox 360 architecture in 2008. Later models
of the Xbox 360 are rebranded "Xbox 360 HD," with a slimline
design and the same price as the original unit. Like the
TurboDuo from days past, dozens of games are developed
exclusively for the new system, as well as older Xbox 360
units enhanced with a standalone HD-DVD drive.
As the years pass, the Xbox 360 becomes
America's game console of choice. In 2010, Microsoft has
taken 50% of the US gaming market, with the remainder
split between its competitors. Its market share in Japan
is so low that it's not even worth mentioning. Having
conquered the United States, Microsoft uses that success
to integrate the Xbox 360 with its less popular
products. This includes Windows Vista, which is largely
ignored by users still satisfied with Microsoft's last
operating system.
NINTENDO
Last but not least (that honor goes to
Sony!), we have Nintendo. The company releases the Wii
in November of 2006 for $229, and in a welcome return to the
old days, includes a game with the package. That game is
Wii Sports. It doesn't look pretty, but it does
get players ready for the Wii experience. A handful of
first-party titles are introduced with the launch of the
system, and all of them cost $39.99 each. Yes, even The
Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, which actually costs ten
dollars MORE on the dying GameCube.
The American public becomes curious
about the Nintendo Wii... so curious, in fact, that it becomes
the top-selling game system in Christmas of 2006.
Japanese gamers are just as fascinated by the
Wii, resulting in a worldwide feeding
frenzy. The Wii is swept off store shelves in the
blink of an eye, and the incredible demand becomes the subject
of evening news reports, talk shows, and web sites. Has
Nintendo finally reclaimed its throne as the leader of the
video game industry?
Well, yes and no. Nintendo can
only maintain this popularity in Japan. Riding on the
success of the Nintendo DS, the Nintendo Wii outsells the
overpriced Playstation 3 by a ratio of three to one. The
Japanese fall in love with the console's compact size, its
irresistable price, and a library of games that cater
specifically to their unique tastes. Some gamers (and
third party licensees) remain loyal to the Playstation 3
regardless of its price, but it becomes increasingly
obvious as the years pass that this is a fight Sony can't
win.
That's Japan. In America, the Wii
becomes a short-lived fad, much like the Nintendo 64 before
it. Americans quickly tire of the novelty of the Wii
interface and demand more of the same, which both Sony and
Microsoft offer in ample amounts. Lousy third-party
support, the Achille's Heel of the Nintendo DS, also factors
into the decline of Wii sales in the United States.
However, Nintendo remains the leader of interactive family
entertainment, despite Microsoft's best efforts with Viva
Pinata.
Meanwhile, on the handheld front,
Nintendo is dismayed to discover that the PSP is slowly
catching up to the Nintendo DS in US sales. Sony still
has its supporters, and at $149, the PSP is the only
currently supported Playstation system they can afford.
Nintendo shifts its attention from the Wii to the Nintendo DS
in America, hoping to maintain its leadership of the handheld
market. Wii sales continue to suffer, leaving it in the
same unenviable position as its predecessor, the
GameCube.
In 2010, the Wii has taken a gigantic
portion of the Japanese market... around 70%, with the
remainder going almost exclusively to Sony. Nintendo
once again becomes synonymous with video games, and the
Japanese are already excited about the Wii's successor.
It's a different story overseas, but the news is still
encouraging. The Wii has taken almost 30% of the US
market, edging out the Playstation 3 and demonstrating a
marked improvement over the GameCube. Things may never
be the same for them in America, but on all fronts, Nintendo
has a promising future ahead of it.
| May 18, 2006... Need
for Restraint
Underground |
Here's an equation for you to keep your
mind sharp between sessions of Brain Age...
Need For Speed Underground
2 +
Ridiculously overpriced steering wheel +
Slippery,
rain-soaked roads =
Pure unbridled frustration expressed
through frightening violence
As you may already have realized from
reading this site, I have a low threshold of
frustration. It doesn't take much to set me off, and
there are few things I hate more than being forced to repeat
stages over and over to make progress in a video
game.
I thought it would be fun to kick back
and play a racing game with my Logitech racing wheel. As
you can see from the above equation, I thought wrong.
While the wheel certainly brings realism to Need For
Speed Underground 2, it takes away the exact precision you get
from an analog controller. When you're playing with
a Dual Shock pad, don't have to fight with the force feedback,
and it's easy to make slight corrections as you drive.
When you've got a steering wheel in your hands, every turn is
a struggle, and gamebreaking spin-outs are a frequent
occurance. After losing four straight races, I thought
it would be more fun to take the disc for a spin... into
the nearest wall!
I should be upset with myself that I
cracked the disc in half. I SHOULD be, but I'm
not. It was so theraputic to fling the damned thing
across the room that it was easily worth the price of
admission. I'm just glad I didn't go one step further
and throw the steering wheel, its pedals, and the chair they
were both attached to into the wall. Believe me, the
thought had crossed my mind.
I guess the lesson learned here is
this... the most expensive controller isn't always the best
controller for the job. That, and I have serious anger
management issues.
| May 15,
2006... Sleeping with the Swedish Fishes
(Gizmondo impressions) |
And as soon as it appeared, it was
gone. If you want to have another look at the special
corporate whore edition of The Gameroom Blitz, fueled by
Russian crab juice, you'll find it here. Click the link, it's just that veasey! I mean
easy.
Just a little post-E3 news before
I hit the road. I recently received a Gizmondo in
the mail, and I've spent a surprising amount of time with
the system. Despite its mafia connections, the Gizmondo
actually isn't that bad! With its 400MHz
processor, it's the fastest kid on the portable block, edging
out even the PSP in overall speed. It's also smaller and
more comfortable to hold than the PSP, with a rubberized case
that stays put in your hands and doesn't get greasy like the
PSP often does.
There are even a couple of games that
make the Gizmondo more than just a silly-looking
paperweight. Laugh at the name all you want (who
didn't?), but Sticky Balls is a great puzzle game that brings
together the stylish bank shots of pool with the colorful,
clinging blobs in Puyo Puyo. Colors, like so many games
on the market these days, is a Grand Theft Auto derivitive,
but it's so well designed that it's bound to impress even fans
of the real thing.
Then there's SSX 3, Trailblazer, Point
of Destruction... and well, that's pretty much it for the good
games. When the Gizmondo was only on the market for a
year and most of the money that was supposed to be invested in
software development went straight into Stefan Erikson's
pockets, you kind of had to expect that. Still, under
different circumstances, the Giz could have been a
contender. It kicks the crap out of some OTHER
handhelds, which have cheated death despite their incredible
unpopularity. I won't name any names.
| May 12, 2006... E3
Special: Microsoft Press
Event |
I'll end this week with a list of
highlights from the Microsoft press conference. Truth
is, Bill Gates and company didn't make the
impression that Nintendo and Sony had with their own
events. Of course, then again, nobody wants to
make the kind of impression that Sony did when they
announced their game system would cost six hundred
dollars...
10. BY THE
NUMBERS: Microsoft is clearly proud of its
accomplishments with the Xbox 360, and it wasn't shy about
saying so. Peter Moore started off the conference by
hitting the audience with some impressive numbers. Five
million Xbox 360s have been sold since the system debuted last
November... no wonder there was a shortage! On average,
each Xbox 360 has been sold with over four games and three
accessories, and three of the top ten best selling games were
for Microsoft's latest system. It's hard not to brag
about figures like those!
9. FLASH IN THE
JAPAN: Oh, Microsoft... will you ever win in
the Far East? You've earned the loyalty of millions here
in the United States, but in Japan, the Xbox 360 is the least
popular American import since the atomic bomb. In a
valiant attempt to capture the hearts of an indifferent
Japanese audience, you're hired Final Fantasy's Hironobu
Sakaguchi to help create Blue Dragon, the last hope for
the Japanese Xbox 360. However, you've made one fatal
mistake... the bulk of this role-playing adventure will be
developed by Artoon, the one game design team that everyone in
the world can agree to hate.
8. HASTA LA VISTA,
BABY: Microsoft's latest operating system
(guaranteed to needlessly waste even more system resources
than its last!) was discussed in the latter half of the
conference. When Vista is released, Peter Moore
explained, Microsoft's PC games will be rebranded "Games For
Windows," rescuing them from the Land of Misfit Toys.
Wait, what? Did this suddenly turn into a Claymation
Christmas special? Anyway, Peter the Red-Nosed Product
Rep showed off the earth-shattering power of Windows Vista
with Crysis. This first-person shooter features
exactly two colors... the black void of the night sky, and the
bright red of flames in the distance. Amazing!
It's just like being trapped inside a cataract!
7. HI-DEF COMEDY
JAM: With a user base of five million players
and a substancial price advantage over its competition, it
would take a blunder of 32X proportions to make the Xbox
360 lose the next-generation console wars. Well, here it
comes, folks... an external HD-DVD player that costs nearly a
hundred dollars! Right now, the drive will only play
HD-DVD movies, but gamers old enough to remember Sega's
many wallet-busting upgrades and peripherals are rightfully
apprehensive about its release. Whatever you do,
Microsoft... DON'T make games for this thing.
6. X MARKETS THE
SPOT: The most exciting Xbox 360 games at
the conference (well, the most exciting to ME, anyway) were
titles you'll never find on store shelves. No, you'll
only be able to buy Lumines Live, as well as enhanced
versions of Konami's arcade classics, from the Xbox Live
Marketplace. Soon, a small fee is all it will take
to get your hands on Q? Entertainment's mesmerizing puzzle
game, as well as translations of Scramble and Time Pilot
with vastly improved graphics. My favorite
games from the 80's with a totally awesome new look? In
the midnight hour, I cry "more Moore, MORE!"
5. INNOVATION? IN NO
WAY, SON: Xbox 360 marketing director Peter
Moore was giving a lot of lip service to "innovation,"
wearing the word out even faster than Nintendo's Reginald
Fil-Aimes. However, none of this pioneering spirit could
be found in the games shown for Microsoft's next generation
console, or any of its other products for that matter.
Amidst the endless array of first-person shooters and Grand
Theft Auto clones, the only game that seemed truly refreshing
and original was Rare's Viva Piñata. Hey, Peter!
Like my man Geddy Lee always says... show, don't
tell. And take off, hoser.
4. OIL OF
OLÈ: With a cast of excruciatingly cute
characters, Rare's family-friendly Viva Piñata will give kids
yet another reason to love the classic Mexican party favors...
and adults another reason to want to bludgeon them with a
stick. There won't be any of that going on here,
though! In Viva Piñata, you'll cultivate a plot of land,
eventually transforming it into a sanctuary for candy-filled
creatures both great and small. Like in Nintendo's
Pokemon, all the characters are based on real-life animals,
and have silly puns for names. However, UNLIKE Pokemon,
you won't have to spend countless hours leveling them up with
boring turn-based battles. You can't beat THAT with a
stick!
3. ANYWHERE,
ANYTIME!: Talk about buy one, get one
free! Microsoft is planning a cross-platform integration
network that lets you buy a game from the Xbox Live
Marketplace, then enjoy it on any Microsoft branded
console for no additional charge. Yes, you can have
it all, whether it's the Xbox 360, a PC running Window,
or even a cell phones equipped with Windows Mobile
(sorry, offer does not apply to Dreamcasts or Gizmondos
powered by Windows CE. Participation may vary.
Void where prohibited). You'll also be able to challenge
friends to Microsoft games regardless of the platform, and any
high scores you earn while playing the games are universal,
extending across all Microsoft systems. Did I say
"Microsoft" enough in the last paragraph?
2. TRAILER
TRASH: A friendly note to game companies...
cinematic trailers may give you some idea of the storyline in
a game, but don't tell you anything else. The trailer
for Alan Wake was as cryptic as one of those avant garde
perfume commercials from the 1980's, giving viewers no clue
about how the game will actually play. The brief teaser
for Halo 3 was even worse, with a holographic head
floating in front of a bleak mountain range. Rather
than, you know, talking about the game, the ghostly woman
spouted nonsense that would make even Margo Kidder run for
dear life. Meanwhile, at the Nintendo press conference,
genuine in-game footage was shown for nearly every title,
even hotly anticipated system-sellers like Super Mario
Galaxy. What's the deal, Bill? Aren't your
fans good enough for real game clips?
1. GET IN
GEAR: You know a military shooter is impressive
when even I want to play it. Gears of War is
the latest from Unreal developer and would-be celebrity Cliff
Bliszinski. In the game, you're a hunchback soldier,
struggling to survive in the face of an alien onslaught.
You'll dive for cover and gun down the most hideous creatures
in the galaxy as entire buildings crumble around
you. Like in last year's God of War, a storyline
unfolds as you play, adding in a dash of variety and freeing
the gameplay from the once necessary evil of cut scenes.
Will this be the game that finally makes Halo a thing of
the past?
| May 11, 2006... E3
Special: Nintendo Press
Event |
Here comes another top ten list of E3
highlights, this time from the Nintendo press
conference:
10. THAT'S DRIVING
EXCITEMENT!: Excitetruck was one of the first
games shown for the Nintendo Wii... and true to its name, it
was also one of the most exciting. As the driver of an
off-road truck, you'll race over dirt tracks at speeds that
would make most rockets jealous! Hills send your truck
skyward, and when you hit the ground, you'll feel the impact
in the Wii remote. Oh yeah, did I mention that you'll
actually be using the remote as a steering wheel, holding it
sideways and turning it to guide your truck through the
track? Well, I did now!
9. ZELDA, MADE TO
ORDER: Wanting to take full advantage of its
next system, but committed to its promise to support its last,
Nintendo will release two versions of the highly anticipated
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. The first game
will be compatible with the GameCube, while the second will be
a launch title for the Wii, offering full support for the
system's remote controller. Seems like Nintendo wants to
play both sides of the fence here. It's a decision that
could have painful consequences if players decide that they'd
be just as happy with the game on a last-generation
system.
8. CHEERS TO
YOU: Wow, that sure took long enough! The
cult hit Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan! is finally coming to the
United States, but with a new title... among other
things. Licensing issues forced Nintendo to change the
selection of songs in the game, so they decided to go one step
further with the localization and change everything
else! The buff male cheerleaders of Ouendan are
out, replaced with the Elite Beat Agents. They're a
secret society of performance artists who come to save the day
whenever they find someone in desperate need of
encouragement... and catchy music!
7. TENNIS THE
MENACE: Near the end of the conference,
Nintendo president Satoru Iwata, his loyal lackey Reginald
Fil-Aimes, and Mario's creator Shigeru Miyamoto all tried
their hands at the tennis game in Wii Sports. They
invited contest winner Chris Dier on the stage to compete
along with them in a doubles game... and what followed
was enough slapstick comedy to give even the Three
Stooges a run for their money. Nintendo's top brass
and Dier nearly fell to the floor and into each other as
they ran across the stage to return serves. All that was
missing were the cream pies!
6. BABY, I LOVE YOUR
WAY: Most DS owners thought that Yoshi's Touch
'n Go would be the closest they would ever get to a Yoshi's
Island sequel. However, that early DS release,
with its charming but simplistic side-scrolling action, was
only the beginning for the little green lizard with the
big red tongue. More than just a tribute to the
underappreciated Super Mario Bros. spin-off, Yoshi's Island
2 is a sequel with fully explorable stages straight
out of a children's coloring book, and one of
three riders clinging to Yoshi. Nobody's sure how
the three baby Mario characters will affect the gameplay, or
if the stylus will be used to aim eggs,
but everyone is gonna want to add this to their
collections!
5. DUAL SCREEN
DYNAMO: You know, I was skeptical of the
Nintendo DS at first, but after last fall's avalanche of
awesome games, and looking at what's in store this
fall, I wonder how I could have ever felt that way.
Vicarious Visions is bringing Tony Hawk back to the DS in
Downhill Jam, which serves up all the quality of American
Sk8teland with double the originality. Final
Fantasy III looks even better than advertised, with vibrant
characters and playfields that are better than those in the
groundbreaking Final Fantasy VII. Sequels to underground
hits Phoenix Wright and Trauma Center are in the works, and
the first arcade-style Castlevania in years will be released
in a matter of months. Oh my beloved dual-screen
handheld, how I love to lick your creamy, game-filled
center!
4. STEEL THE
SHOW: Wii Wii, monsiour! Ubi
Soft hopes that its first-person shooter Red Steel will
make Nintendo's next system as warmly embraced by the French
as Jerry Lewis. Reps from the company demonstrated the
game to an excited audience, showing off its superior graphics
as well as the many ways that the Wii remote will improve the
gameplay in this well-worn genre. The remote
is your gun, while the sidecar controller is used to make
your way through the mean streets of Tokyo. The
innovation doesn't stop with the controller... crowds of thugs
often have a leader who acts as the keystone of the
group. Take him out and the rest of the goons will run
for cover!
3. WIMPY, WIMPY,
WIMPY!: Perhaps the most amazing thing about
the Wii is what isn't. Nobody expected
fantastic graphics from the Wii and its limp-wristed 729MHz
processor, so it wasn't a surprise that the the best games
(Red Steel) had frame rate issues. However, Wii
Sports was well below even the most modest
expectations. Lego action figures running around a flat
court? Even the Dreamcast has put the graphics in Wii
Sports to shame with the five year old Virtua
Tennis. It's safe to assume that the Wii can
do much, much better than this... so why is Nintendo intent on
accentuating the negative with what's best described as
Katamari Arthur-Ashe-y?
2. FIRE
DISRUPTERS!: "Disruption." It was the
first word on the lips of everyone who came on stage but the
janitor who cleaned up after Nintendo had left.
Reggie and Nintendo president Satoru Iwata never passed up a
chance to dish out product slogans and half-baked
catchphrases. Change Is Good. Playing Is
Believing. Inclusion Is Hot. Knowing Is Half The
Battle. Quality And Value Is What You Get When You Buy
Coronet. Geez, guys... give it a rest,
already! We know you're trying to shake up the industry,
but some of these quips just leave us shaking our
heads!
1. FAILURE TO
LAUNCH: Nintendo revealed a lot of
juicy information during its conference, but the news
they left out will probably be what people will remember
most. Reggie refused to divulge the launch date or the
price of the Nintendo Wii. Not even Bob Barker knows if
the price is right or wrong, and that ace will stay tucked in
Nintendo's collective sleeve until they need it to counter an
earthshaking, mindshare-stealing announcement by its
competitors. Oh well, looks like it's back to the DS for
me!
| May 9, 2006... E3
Special: Sony Press
Event |
Now that E3 has started, I finally have
something to talk about on the site!
I guess the recent Sony press conference
is as good a place to start as any. I just covered this
for Stage Select, so rather than repeating myself, I'll offer
a brief run-down of the ten most memorable moments at the
event.
10. RESISTANCE IS
FUTILE: Increasingly desperate to
break free from his cute platforming past, Insomniac
Games founder Ted Price will introduce Playstation 3 owners to
a grim alternate dimension in The Resistance: Fall of
Man. In this vision of the 1950's, World War II was cut
short by an alien invasion. Adolf Hitler? Blasted
with a death ray. Winston Churchill? Found out the
hard way what the book "To Serve Man" really was. Harry
Truman? You don't want to know. As one of the few
human survivors, you'll fight back against your alien
oppressors in a first-person shooter that's anything but
ordinary.
9. HOT SHOTS NOT:
Now you're playing with power? Images of Hot
Shots Golf for the Playstation 3 did little to convince people
of the system's capabilities. The characters looked a
bit shinier than they did on the Playstation 2, but certainly
no better. Between this and the considerably more
impressive Tiger Woods PGA Golf '07, It makes you
wonder if there's a future for bright, cartoony games on
Sony's next system. Oh well, there's always the
Wii!
8. HISTORY REPEATS
ITSELF: What's truly great about the
Playstation 3 are all those fresh new games third parties are
releasing for the system. You know, brilliantly original
titles like Genji 2! Call of Duty 3! Devil May Cry
4! Hot Shots Golf 5! Tekken 6! Ridge Racer
7! And of course, Tony Hawk: Project 8! I'd
include Sonic on that list, but I've lost count at just how
many damn games the little rodent has appeared in... and after
Sonic Spinball on the Genesis, I stopped caring. Anyway,
the next time someone complains that all Nintendo ever does is
release Mario games, do me a favor and shove an original Xbox
up their butts.
7. ON HIS HIRAI
HORSE: After all these years, SCEA
president Kaz Hirai is still a smug douchebag. Sure,
he's just doing his job, but does he have to be such an
arrogant prick about it? Perhaps the most infuriating
part of Hirai's speech was when he paraded around the
Playstation 3 controller, packed with features shamelessly
stolen from the Nintendo Wii remote. This was just an
hour after sternly reminding conference attendees that "Sony
isn't about gimmicks," a rabbit punch aimed at the
proverbial groins of the Nintendo DS and Wii. Oh, Kaz...
I could just hug you. Really tightly around the
throat.
6. I'VE GOT MY EYE ON
YOU: After a stirring rendition of Hold On To
The Nights, Dr. Richard Marx put down the microphone and
introduced conference attendees to the latest game for the
EyeToy. You know, that television hood ornament you
only used once or twice. The Eye of Judgement is a
card battle game with one key difference... like in episodes
of the Yu-Gi-Oh! television series, ferocious monsters (and
rubber duckies?) emerge from the cards after you slap them on
the table. Note that you're playing the game with actual
cards, not a controller. Note also that this is
incredibly fucking cool.
5. SOLID SNAKE NOT
GUNSHY: The star of Metal Gear Solid 4
demonstrated a disturbing fondness for his firearm that would
make even Sledge Hammer blush. A video of the upcoming
stealth action title showed the crusty codger jamming a pistol
in his mouth. The subtitle that appeared underneath him
tried to clarify the situation, reading "One last punishment I
must endure." However, from the look of things (and the
amount of Magnum in his mouth), it seems as though
Snake is more than willing to take one for the
team.
4. IT'S A
FREE-FOR-ALL!: It really is the best word in
the English language, isn't it? Kaz Hirai promised that
the Sony online service HUB would be free of charge for
Playstation owners, a good five dollars a month less than what
Microsoft is charging for their own Xbox Live service.
It remains to be seen whether or not HUB will actually be as
GOOD as Xbox Live, but with a price like that, gamers
will have little room to complain about its
shortcomings.
3. LET'S DO THE TIME WARP
AGAIN: It's official, folks! The
Playstation Portable really will be able to play games from
the Playstation's early library! Sony's product reps
even demonstrated this by playing the original Ridge Racer on
the PSP, complete with the Galaxian mini-game that keeps you
occupied while you're waiting for the game to load. Why
would you want to play the first Ridge Racer when there's
a perfectly good version of the game designed specifically for
the PSP? Well, uh... you probably wouldn't. There
are plenty of other Playstation games that are
begging for the handheld treatment, though.
2. WII WILL, WII WILL COPY
YOU: Like the ideal marriage gift, the
Playstation 3 controller is made from something old, something
new, something borrowed, and something blue. What's old
is the design of the Dual Shock controller, which has made a
return appearance on the PS3 after everyone in the universe
expressed their hatred for the pointy boomerang. What's
new is the removal of the vibration motor that put Sony in hot
water with Immersion Technologies. What's
stolen borrowed is the motion sensor from the
Wii controller, and what's blue is me after discovering that
Sony took a sledgehammer to the only distinguishing
characteristic of Nintendo's next system.
1. WITH GREAT POWER, COMES GREAT
PRICE: You want a Playstation 3? Well,
you'd better start saving those pennies. And
quarters. And rolls of hundred dollar bills. And
twenty-four karat gold bars. What I'm trying to say is
that the Playstation 3 will be far too expensive for gamers
who had to live on two straight weeks of ramen and tuna fish
just to afford a Dreamcast (read: me). A barebones
Playstation 3, with a 20 gig hard drive but no slots
for memory cards, will cost $499. If that
left you reeling, just wait 'till you hear this! The
total Playstation 3 package, with a 60 gig drive and all the
fixin's, will set you back a dumbfounding $599. That's
only a hundred bucks less than the 3DO when that was first
released... and we all remember what happened with that
system. If you don't, you can always remind yourself by
having Trip Hawkins bag your groceries the next time you stop
at Wal-Mart.
| May 5, 2006... RIP Long
John Baldry |
Well, that was a lousy time to have a
personal crisis! I completely forgot that the Electronic
Entertainment Expo was scheduled for next week. I'll be
covering the event for the fine folks at Stage Select, so be sure to read that site regularly for the
juiciest industry news!
Some of that coverage will no doubt wind
up on The Gameroom Blitz as well... but I'm going to spend
more time just having fun with the site, the way I did when I
first started it ten years ago. It's been ages
since I've reviewed a Japanese Saturn game, and I've got so
many of them in my collection that are just begging for the
coverage.
Then after I've squared away my
obligations to Stage Select and 1UP, I'll finally hit the
books... or rather, that NES book that I put on the backburner
for far too long. I wanted to finish it in time for the
20th anniversary of the system, but that never came to pass...
with a little luck, though, it'll be ready by the end of THIS
year, just in time for the release of the Revolution.
Er, the Wii.
There's one another matter of importance
I should address before ending this update. I just found
out that Long John
Baldry, the voice of
Doctor Robotnik and the sole redeeming quality of The
Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog, died last year from a chest
infection. I don't know how I missed this news, and I
was even more surprised when I did a little research and
discovered all of Baldry's other accomplishments. The
man pulled Elton John out of a spiral of depression that
nearly claimed his life. He inspired famous musicians
like Eric Clapton and Rod Stewart. He lent his voice to
a number of fondly remembered cartoons, including Captain N,
Reboot, and the short-lived Dragon Warrior. Long John
Baldry, for your many contributions to the pop culture of
the 80's and 90's, I salute you... and wish you all the best
in your next life!
| May 1, 2006... April
Showers Bring May
Doubts |
Before I begin, I
probably should point out that there's a new full-sized review
on the site, the first one in well over a month. Special
thanks go to my friend, electronics whiz and long-time Blitz
reader Duane Bendt, for making it all possible.
As The Gameroom
Blitz reaches its tenth anniversary, I slip into a state of
deep, introspective thought. What have I accomplished in
the past ten years? Has anything on the site been of any
great significance to my readers? Is anyone still
reading the Blitz?
All right, maybe
it's not so much deep introspection as it is self-pity.
Still, I wonder what the future holds for The Gameroom Blitz,
or if the site should even have a future. The
pop-ups "generously" provided by my hosts at ZTNet continue to
become more frequent and resistant to ad blockers. I've
talked to the editor of Overclocked about this, and received
only vague assurance of a solution, not results.
Now that I'm
getting Internet service from Charter, I've got the option to
move the site to my own alloted server space (currently used
to host my other pet project, On-File). However,
that's not my only option. I could spend hours
transferring the files of a site that's lost most of its
readers to a new, more obscure address, guaranteeing that it
will lose ALL of its readers.
Alternately, I
could follow the lead of Overclocked alum Zeroes
Unlimited and put The Gameroom Blitz into retirement, starting
work on something entirely new and different. Ten years
is a long, long time to spend on a single site, and other
webmasters, like the editor of Gamengai (formerly Japan Gaming),
have been reenergized by the change of scenery. The only
problem is, what direction should I take this new site?
I don't want it to wind up being a clone of this
one.
Then there's the
third option, one I already tried back in 2003. I took a
vacation from the site for the entire summer, hoping that the
extended absence would make me eager to return to the
Blitz. It worked at first, but it didn't take long
before all that enthusiasm evaporated, leaving me back on
square one. When I stop and think about it, I'm not even
sure if creating a new site will make a difference. I'll
still be the same bitter, obnoxious loudmouth I've always
been, and that's something that will never change.
The final option is
to just sit back and accept the status quo, writing updates
and reviews out of a peculiar sense of obligation. After
all, I've been doing this for ten years... why stop now?
It would be a shame to end the Blitz with so many articles
left unfinished.
I guess
I've got a lot to think about in the next few
months.
| April 28, 2006... The
Name is "Dumas." |
Man, Nintendo just doesn't have a
clue. If the name of their newly christened game system
doesn't prove this, the oblivious comments made by Nintendo
spokesman Perrin Kaplan on IGN almost certainly do.
Just... just listen to this.
IGN Wii: Some overzealous
readers have created some truly phallic Wii designs. We
e-mailed you several of them, as you saw. Any plans to use any
of these brilliant materials in your official marketing plans?
Perrin Kaplan: What a nice
way of asking that question! We actually have had a day of a
lot of smiles around here with a variety of things that fans
have created, let me just say that. It shows you that people
are big fans of Nintendo.
Big fans? BIG
FANS?! Big fans don't take your latest, most prized
creation and turn it into the butt of endless dick
jokes. THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF YOU, YOU EMPTYHEADED
SCHILL!!! Honestly, she can't be that stupid.
They've got to be paying her millions to act this
stupid.
And to all the "hardcore gamers"
out there who say that the name doesn't matter and that true
video game fans will buy the Nintendo Wii no matter what...
get over yourselves! Marketing is an essential part of
this industry... if you can't entice customers to purchase
your product, it's going to stay on store shelves, and you're
not going to stay in business. Nintendo is crowing that
the new name has generated a lot of talk, but then again, so
did New Coke, and we all know what happened with THAT
little disaster.
When Namco brought Pac-Man
to the United States, they had the good sense to shorten the
name from Puck-Man to protect it from cheeky vandals and
jokesters. Twenty five years later, an industry
powerhouse like Nintendo with decades of experience under its
belt can't figure out how much damage a name like "Wii" will
do to its chances of competing with Sony and Microsoft in the
United States.
Of course, as a friend of mine
pointed out on his 1UP
blog, they might
not even care. The Nintendo brand name has lost a
lot of its luster in the West, but the company continues to
shine brightly in Japan thanks to the explosive success of its
DS handheld. More than anywhere else, Nintendo has a
shot at claiming victory in the next generation console wars
in Japan. Gamers in that country love using the DS
stylus to interact with their games, and the Wii wand will
bring even more dimension to that interaction. The Xbox
360 is a failure in Japan, with no hope of
recovery. The Playstation 3 still doesn't exist, and
even when it does, it won't bring any new innovations
with it. The name "Wii" has no phallic connotations in
Asia. Bring all these ingredients together, and you've
got a recipe for market dominance in Japan.
If Nintendo can claim their own
country in the next generation system wars, and it seems
likely that they will, all other markets could quickly become
irrelevant... including our own. In the past decade,
Nintendo has shown no interest in placating America's
increasingly demanding and hostile gamers, insisting on doing
its own thing regardless of the consequences. After all
the grief Nintendo has been given by Americans over the past
ten years for this stubbornness, the decision to stick
with the name "Wii" may be the company's way of saying "screw
you guys, I'm going home."
| April 27, 2006... 'Tis
But A Flesh Wound |
Quick, dirty... but entirely
necessary.
| April 24, 2006... RIP
Sean Pettibone |
Before I begin, I'd like to
request a moment of silence for a fellow fanzine editor.
Sean Pettibone died of unspecified causes last Thursday, just
shy of his thirtieth birthday. Sean had a knack for
stirring up controversy in his newsletter In Between The
Lines, but everyone who wrote a fanzine in the early 1990's
will remember him for his writing talent and his
sharp sense of humor. Sean Pettibone was a
cornerstone of video game fandom, and without his influence,
gaming journalism as we know it today would have suffered
greatly. Keep fighting the power, Sean, wherever you may
be!
I guess there's not much else for
me to say, aside from this... we interview Adventure II
creator and Atari 5200 devotee Ron Lloyd in the fourth and
final installment of The Brews Brothers. Also, we're
closing in on the tenth anniversary of The Gameroom Blitz...
we'll celebrate the date with the continuation of Systematix
2006, as well as a few other surprises you're sure to
enjoy.
| April 21, 2006... DS
Game Review Explosion! |
Forget about the blues
tonight! In this update of The Gameroom Blitz, the PSP
takes a backseat (oooo-ooh...) to the Nintendo DS. We'll
break out the stylus and get physical with four great games,
the ones that you'll want for this totally hot handheld.
Enough talk... I've got reviewin' to do!
ADVANCE WARS DUAL
STRIKE: I'm not overly fond of turn-based
strategy games, but I was instantly won over by this slick
Nintendo release when I played it briefly at a local LAN
party. After purchasing a copy of my own and spending a
little more time with the game, I can understand my almost
instant infatuation with it. Advance Wars has the
unmistakable flavor of SNK's Metal Slug series, from the
hard-hitting soundtrack to the humor that takes some of the
edge off the military combat (soldiers fly off the screen when
pelted with machine gun fire and stomp any city they capture
into the dirt). It plays incredibly well with the
touchscreen, too... just pick a unit, tap their destination,
and off they go! The only flaw I've noticed so far is
the trendy dialogue that smacks ever so slightly of
desperation. I've seen enough exclamations of
"owned!" on the Internet to last me three lifetimes... I don't
need to see that dreck in my video games as
well!
PHOENIX
WRIGHT: With his stern gaze, threatening poses,
and the most gravity-defying hairstyle this side of Conan
O'Brien, Phoenix Wright looks more like your next opponent in
Rival Schools than a competant attorney. You'd be
surprised at just how good he is at his job, however.
Phoenix Wright is as much Sherlock Holmes as Perry Mason,
piecing together bits of evidence to rescue his clients from
certain conviction and put the real killers behind bars.
Everything you've heard about this game is true, even the
negative stuff. Phoenix Wright is arguably the most
linear game on the Nintendo DS, with absolutely no action and
very few options for the player to select. However, once
you spend some time with the game, you'll understand why it's
so very difficult to find on store shelves. The
courtroom battles are so dynamic and outrageous they make the
OJ Simpson trial look like an episode of Judge Joe Brown...
Phoenix slams his desk and uses violent hand gestures to
intimidate witnesses, who fall apart on the stand when their
latest alibis are torn to ribbons (complete with the sound of
a samurai sword slicing through bare flesh).
BUST-A-MOVE
DS: I'm sorry I didn't mention this one
earlier. I've been a fan of this entertaining puzzler
for years, ever since I first discovered it playing on a
Neo-Geo arcade machine in the mid 1990's. However, I
began to lose interest in Bust-A-Move at the turn of the
century, when Taito made the unwise decision to retire the
familiar stars of Bubble Bobble and replace them with a parade
of increasingly disturbing and poorly drawn heroes. It
took an S+M teddy bear and an animated life preserver to make
Taito realize just what they'd done to the series, and try
with all their might to put Bust-A-Move back on the right
track. Bust-A-Move DS is the ideal resurrection of the
franchise... I could not have asked for a better sequel.
Not only are the audiovisuals faithful to the first two games,
but there are a lot of new features that add to the fun
without complicating the gameplay. Bubbles are thrown
into the playfield by pulling back and releasing a rubber
band, the first control scheme in Bust-A-Move history that
actually works better than the classic rotating arrow.
Add spectacular multiplayer modes and a swap bubble that gives
you a way out of impossible situations, and you've got a title
that comes oh so close to dethroning Meteos as the best
puzzler on the DS.
BRAIN
AGE: In the tradition of Animal Crossing and
Nintendogs comes another DS title in Nintendo's Obli-gaming
series, Brain Age. This game claims to make anyone
who plays it smarter, but the flawed handwriting and speech
recognition often guarantees that the people who play it will
only get angrier. No matter how clearly or
plainly you say the word "Blue" during the color-matching
Stroop Test, the system will just sit there with a stylus
up its butt, flashing an error message. After much
frustration and a little experimentation, you discover that
the trigger word is in fact "Brew," like in the Canadian
beer ad starring a bear and a dozen drunk Japanese
businessmen. Way to go, Nintendo... you think maybe you
could get the stylus out of your OWN butt and spend more time
localizing the next Brain Age title? Despite the quirky
interface, Brain Age definitely earns its keep, putting
players through the wringer with a variety of fiendish
timed challenges. If the rapid-fire calculations or the
memorization doesn't keep you mesmerized, the devilishly
addictive Sudoku almost certainly will.
By the way, in case you haven't
noticed, there's an interview with Chrono Resurrection
developer Nathan Lazur on the Brews Brothers
page. I'm meeting you dirty Square-lovin' hippies
halfway!
| April 17, 2006... Take
Once Daily |
Over the past few years, I've
noticed that Nintendo is fond of what I like
to call "regimen gaming"... basically, video games that
require a daily effort from the player. The company
first dipped its toe into this genre with Animal Crossing on
the Japanese Nintendo 64 and GameCube, then jumped in with
both feet when the Nintendo DS was released. Now we've
got the virtual pet simulation Nintendogs, and most recently,
Brain Age.
The games aren't so much
addictive as they are compulsory... they're quite enjoyable at
first, but after a couple of weeks, they start to feel
like an obligation. This is especially the case with
virtual pet sims which grab you by the heartstrings and
refuse to let go, no matter how bored you get with taking
that puppy out for a walk or feeding a chubby dragonette
brightly colored eggplants. Brain Age takes that sense
of obligation once step further by calling itself a tool for
self-improvement. The player is warned that if they
fail to play the game on a regular basis, they're not
hurting an adorable digital pet, but themselves.
Personally, I don't see
what the big N hopes to accomplish by using emotional
blackmail to chain players to their controllers. I
remember a time when people kept playing Nintendo games
because they wanted to do it, not because their arms were
twisted by the bloated head of a Japanese
professor. Besides, isn't forcing players to come back
to a single game only hurting Nintendo's chances at selling
more of them? There's much to be said for lasting replay
value, but when you're returning to a video game out of a
sense of obligation, your opinion of it is bound to change
from admiration to resentment.
| April 14, 2006... 'Cuz
She's Got Big Fake
Boobies! |
I just got back from a college
lecture about video games. Can they really be considered
a legitimate form of artistic expression, and is there really
more to Tetsuya Mizuguchi's Rez than slick graphics and a
thumping soundtrack? Any gamer worth his salt already
knows the answer to the first question, but it turns out that
Rez is far deeper than I realized... as a work of art, at
least. I also discovered from the lecture that the game
can (and sometimes should!) be played passively; a tribute to
the teachings of rotund religious leader Buddha. If only
that much thought had been put into the gameplay!
What else? Oh, I guess I
should mention that there's a new Tomb Raider game out
now. After all the comedy I was able to wring out of
Lara Croft's big fake boobies, the least I could do in return
is give her latest release some free publicity. So
what's up with Tomb Raider Legend? Can it put this
once wildly popular series back on its feet after seven years
of bad luck?
Personally, I think that the
Tomb Raider franchise was damaged beyond repair
after three increasingly awful sequels, and that no
amount of atonement will ever be enough to make Lara Croft
relevant to today's gamers. Still, I've got to applaud
Crystal Dynamics for fixing much of what was broken in the
previous Tomb Raider games. Lara Croft is no longer
chained to a "turn-walk-turn" control scheme; instead, you can
move her freely in any direction, and point the camera
wherever you like with the right analog stick.
It's a step in the right
direction for sure, but the developers still have a long way
to go before Lara is as nimble as the stars of Ninja Gaiden or
Prince of Persia. The control isn't as tight or precise
as it should be, resulting in missed jumps and painful
falls. Lara's got the aim of a Stormtrooper, and many of
her tools and even basic moves like climbing cliff walls are
more difficult to use than necessary.
Why do game developers insist on
using EVERY button on the PS2 controller, anyway? The
otherwise fantastic God of War had the same
problem, forcing the player to key in awkward button
combinations for many of Kratos' magic attacks. This
wicked excess is even more unwelcome in a game like Tomb
Raider, with its many perilous jumps. When you need
to scramble up that cliff RIGHT NOW, you don't need to
play a guessing game with the Dual Shock controller
to find out which button will rescue Lara from certain
doom.
Fans of Tomb Raider will be quick
to point out the improvements in Legends, but gamers not
blinded by brand loyalty will acknowledge that the game is
still lagging a few years behind its competitors. At
least the Tomb Raider franchise is stuck in 2003 now,
rather than 1997!
| April 10, 2006... I
Give This Game 108 Stars! |
The next installment of the Brews
Brothers is just around the corner... but first, how about a
few cartoon reviews, courtesy of contributor John Roche
and myself?
By the way, RPG fans with
reservations about Suikoden V can buy the game with
confidence. There's more to this recent Konami release
than a once-trusted brand name... it really looks, sounds, and
feels like the Suikoden games of old. If only I could
say the same thing about Grandia III!
| April 6, 2006... Crime
Doesn't Pay |
It was a long time coming, but
Systematix has been updated with a brand new Jessboard and
reviews of nearly twenty different game consoles! Check
it out, and see how your favorite system matches up against
the rest!
All right, with that out of the
way, it's time for that bitter ranting you've come to expect
from The Gameroom Blitz. You remember when I heaped all
that praise onto True Crime: Streets of L.A.? I stand by
every word of it, but none of those words apply to the sequel,
New York City. Actually, it's not so much a legitimate
sequel as it is a completely shameless and totally awful clone
of Grand Theft Auto. I told the designers at Luxoflux as
much in an E-mail, but the message mysteriously (heh)
bounced.
That's fine, though! I'm
going to make darned good and sure SOMEONE reads this, if only
to make sure that nobody else makes the same mistake I did and
pays good money for this sham of a sequel.
I loved True Crime: Streets of
L.A., but this terrible sequel had absolutely none of its
energy or excitement. All the tongue-in-cheek humor, all
the thrilling arcade-style action, all the fun of tracking
down and stopping crime as it erupted throughout the city...
it was all gone. Why? WHY?
Even
after reading the negative reviews in video game magazines and
web sites, I gave True Crime: New York City an honest
chance. However, when I got it home and popped it into
my Xbox, I quickly discovered that it wasn't the True Crime I
loved so much on the GameCube. It was just another
mind-numbing, soul-sucking, crotch-punching Grand Theft Auto
clone, right down to the awkward jumping and the monotonous
missions.
If I wanted Grand Theft Auto (and I don't),
I'd PLAY Grand Theft Auto. Here's the thing, though... I
didn't buy Grand Theft Auto. I bought a True Crime game,
and that was the experience I was expecting. That's not
what I got. I feel like I was cheated out of the sequel
I really wanted. I sincerely hope the changes made to
the game were forced by the management, because I'd hate to
think that Luxoflux would willingly compromise its integrity
just to cash in on fleeting industry trends.
When you
make a REAL sequel to True Crime, let me know. I sure as
hell won't play another game like New York City, and judging
from the unflattering reviews it's received, I doubt anyone
else will.
| April 3, 2006... Brews
You Can Use |
The latest installment of The
Brews Brothers is up and ready for your perusal. Wish I
had more to say, but I'm just not in the mood... this
will have to do.
| April 1, 2006... Blast
from the Past |
Click here for this year's April Fool's
joke. |
|
|